In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
They have beer where we have blood.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
