Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
