the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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