i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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