You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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