Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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