you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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