I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
