..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
