New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
