5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
