She's JV to your varsity
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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