I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
