cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
