He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
