You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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