This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
