Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
