I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
