bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
