Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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