It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
