She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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