Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
