apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
