can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
