he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
