I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
