I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
