Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
