It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
