i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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