apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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