You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
