Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
