drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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