I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
