I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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