i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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