God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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