"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
ok first of all what the fuck
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
