I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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