I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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