I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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