**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
