dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
