nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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