I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
