True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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