she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
how does that bad decision feel?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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